I don't even know where to start. I started this blog with the best of intentions - intending to blog about my running - keep you guys posted on the marathon training and maybe provide a laugh or two. Let's get that part of out of the way - I haven't been running. I've been doing terribly with the training. I will get back to that.
The rest in more important. And harder than any marathon training could ever be.
My dad is just sick. We have known my dad was sick for a very long time. He suffered a stroke 6 years ago, a heart attack 2 years ago followed by quad bypass surgery and he just never fully recovered from any of it. He has been in kidney failure for about a year and going through dialysis, which is quite possibly the most not fun thing I could imagine having to do. He has been weak for awhile but he's been the strong willed Dad I have known and loved dearly for 35 years. He has gotten worse over the past 3 weeks.
A week and a half ago (the day after Memorial Day), my dad entered the hospital - he just wasn't well. I won't go into all the details but after performing many tests to just gauge improvement, decline, those types of things, he had a procedure to check his heart for an infection and for heart function. He did not have an infection in the heart - praise the Lord. However, his test showed that his heart function is about 10% and part of the heart is not even pumping at all. I'll say it again, we haven't been naive - we have known and accepted that he has been sick but this was devastating news. My mother and I sat in the waiting room and waited for the doctor. We both knew when we saw his face the news was not good. Our precious doctor and friend, Dr. Sekar, an amazing Christian man told my mom this was obviously alarming. The conversation was a hard one but sweet to hear him tell us that only God knows when dad will go home to heaven - so he wasn't going to say how "long" he had. However, we did have to prepare to enter the end stages and think about how to care for Dad given this decline in function and condition of his heart.
While in the hospital, there was no improvement. The dialysis is not working as well to flush out the toxins. In addition, the fact that the heart is too weak to pump the blood effectively through the body and to the brain, he stays confused a lot of the time or sleeps (which is about 95% of the time). It's not fair to see your dad like that.
A few days ago, we were all blessed with a good, lucid day with dad to talk to him. To cry with him, pray with him and love on him. The details of those conversations and moments are private and will be locked away in our hearts forever but I feel it's given us a new freedom to walk in - a new direction to enjoy the time he has left.
We brought dad home today and have set up hospice care at the house. It's not something I ever thought we'd have to do for my big, strong dad.
Dad is very sick. Only God knows when He will take Dad home but medically speaking, he is nearing the end and it is heartbreaking. I know that my God is able to perform MIRACLES. I know that my God is able to heal. I know that my God gives and my God takes away. I know that my God sits on the throne and He is MIGHTY TO SAVE. I ask you to pray that we all can rest in God's perfect will. That we can tangibly feel God's presence. Pray that comfort and peace will abound and that God gets all the glory.
I love you daddy.
I love you Father.
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I am so very sorry to hear this! I kept hearing he was very sick and to pray for your family, but I had no idea it had gotten so bad. Thank you for sharing ways we can specifically pray for your family. Your attitude is amazing through this tough life experience, and you know that God has a plan even through trials like this. Thank you for sharing your heart, even though it hurts.
ReplyDeleteOh, HB. I am so sorry. You are all is my thoughts and prayers. May God Bless Bubba and all of you. I love you, DanaJK
ReplyDeleteHeather, your love, honor and respect for your Daddy and your Lord leaps out in your words. You were a child with a beautiful spirit and have grown into a beautiful woman. Your Daddy and your Mommy set the example for all of you by what they always have done, not what they said. Your compassion and love comes from how they are compassionate and loving. Knowing that you have learned from them and that they are within you will guarantee that they will NEVER be far from you.
ReplyDeletePlease know that the entire Higgins family is with you and there for you and your Mom and Jason and Erin and Meg and your families.
We love you, Gary, Sherry and Bubba Higgins and Keri Lanford.
Heather, I am so sorry to hear this...I, too, know Bubba as being a big, strong, and stately man and I know seeing him so sick is so very hard on you and your family. Know that God is in control and He can perform miracles! There are so many people that your Dad has touched with his compassion and love..his love for the Lord!! Please know that there are many many prayers being prayed for your dad now and that we are here for you and your family. We love you! We serve a MIGHTY GOD!!!
ReplyDeleteMuch love, Mike and Kathy Heidle, Brian Heidle, Heather and Ted Reagan
You can take comfort that one day you will see your dad again. And when the Lord calls him home he'll know more joy that we can possibly understand and I'm sure he'll hear "well done my good and faithful servant."
ReplyDeleteI pray for you all every day. We can always lean on Him because his strength is perfect!
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God loves you and so do we. Your dad is so proud of all of his children and loves his family with everything that he is.
ReplyDeleteWe love you and your family has been and will continue to be in our prayers. Thank you for sharing w/everyone. Memories are wonderful and thank God for them. God is in control and rest in his arms.
ReplyDeleteHeather
ReplyDeleteThere are no real words to say to comfort a broken heart. When we are lossing a loved one like a mom or a dad you feel like you are an orphan no matter how old you are. And unless you have walked in those shoes it is truely hard to completely understand.
The most important thing is that your dad knows his God and you are a child of the living God. In that alone brings a true peace that passes all understanding. The tears will flow, your heart will break, you will feel like someone kicked you in the stomach, you will be confused and sometimes you will be speachless. But thru it all God allows the pain but keeps us so close you will feel His hand on your sholders. Looking back I still remember the pain but most of all I remember how God used so many people to come along side of me to comfort and console me. God again shows us His everlasting peace and grace.
May the God of grace and Shalom be with you as you walk this path, not alone but with the one who gave His only son on our behalf. Your are greatly loved. Be at peace. Manette
I love you so much, Heather. I can't imagine how hard this has been. Please call me or email me to let me know what I can do. I would love to help in any way I can.
ReplyDeleteHeather, I am so sorry. You and your family will be in our prayers constantly.
ReplyDeleteHeather, I am so sorry to hear about your dad's health. But your blog is amazing and the strength you show through it shines. I can not imagine what you are going through because I love my dad the same way. I know you have faith in our Mighty Lord and He will give you the strength and love you need. You all are in my prayers.
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