My Dad

I don't even know where to start. I started this blog with the best of intentions - intending to blog about my running - keep you guys posted on the marathon training and maybe provide a laugh or two. Let's get that part of out of the way - I haven't been running. I've been doing terribly with the training. I will get back to that.

The rest in more important. And harder than any marathon training could ever be.

My dad is just sick. We have known my dad was sick for a very long time. He suffered a stroke 6 years ago, a heart attack 2 years ago followed by quad bypass surgery and he just never fully recovered from any of it. He has been in kidney failure for about a year and going through dialysis, which is quite possibly the most not fun thing I could imagine having to do. He has been weak for awhile but he's been the strong willed Dad I have known and loved dearly for 35 years. He has gotten worse over the past 3 weeks.

A week and a half ago (the day after Memorial Day), my dad entered the hospital - he just wasn't well. I won't go into all the details but after performing many tests to just gauge improvement, decline, those types of things, he had a procedure to check his heart for an infection and for heart function. He did not have an infection in the heart - praise the Lord. However, his test showed that his heart function is about 10% and part of the heart is not even pumping at all. I'll say it again, we haven't been naive - we have known and accepted that he has been sick but this was devastating news. My mother and I sat in the waiting room and waited for the doctor. We both knew when we saw his face the news was not good. Our precious doctor and friend, Dr. Sekar, an amazing Christian man told my mom this was obviously alarming. The conversation was a hard one but sweet to hear him tell us that only God knows when dad will go home to heaven - so he wasn't going to say how "long" he had. However, we did have to prepare to enter the end stages and think about how to care for Dad given this decline in function and condition of his heart.

While in the hospital, there was no improvement. The dialysis is not working as well to flush out the toxins. In addition, the fact that the heart is too weak to pump the blood effectively through the body and to the brain, he stays confused a lot of the time or sleeps (which is about 95% of the time). It's not fair to see your dad like that.

A few days ago, we were all blessed with a good, lucid day with dad to talk to him. To cry with him, pray with him and love on him. The details of those conversations and moments are private and will be locked away in our hearts forever but I feel it's given us a new freedom to walk in - a new direction to enjoy the time he has left.

We brought dad home today and have set up hospice care at the house. It's not something I ever thought we'd have to do for my big, strong dad.

Dad is very sick. Only God knows when He will take Dad home but medically speaking, he is nearing the end and it is heartbreaking. I know that my God is able to perform MIRACLES. I know that my God is able to heal. I know that my God gives and my God takes away. I know that my God sits on the throne and He is MIGHTY TO SAVE. I ask you to pray that we all can rest in God's perfect will. That we can tangibly feel God's presence. Pray that comfort and peace will abound and that God gets all the glory.

I love you daddy.

I love you Father.